he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
