Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
