If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
