we made out on top of his cat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
