Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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