that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
