ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
