I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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