i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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