Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
