I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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