she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
