Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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