She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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