K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
