He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
