I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
