My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
