the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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