Umm I'm too high to move.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
