He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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