R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you still have your period?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
