Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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