Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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