I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
