i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
