According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
