I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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