Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
