The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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