you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
