I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
