I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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