I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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