is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
