Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
