Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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