just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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