She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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