Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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