***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
