Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
