I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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