She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
