I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
