So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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