tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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