i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
