i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not ubering you a puppy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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