I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
