i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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