i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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