i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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