Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
