We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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