How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
