Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
