So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
