She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
