also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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