If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
