His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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