hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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