Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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