first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
