i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
