Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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