i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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