420 ftw
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
