Whod you bang
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
