i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
