There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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