I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
