So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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